Hatsepshut sighed as she stopped in front of a bush of brightly-colored flowers, leaning forward so that she could inhale their sweet fragrance. The walks she took in the palace gardens most mornings were precious to the young Queen, giving her time to reflect in peace before the duties of the day commanded her attention. The sun was not yet high enough in the sky to produce the intense heat that persisted throughout the afternoon, but it still shone brightly and she could feel its warmth upon her head and shoulders.
It's been two days since the festival and he hasn't even tried to contact me.
Unfortunately, her tranquil surroundings could not quiet the tumultuous cerebrations that tumbled through her mind. Osorsen. He was lost to her now, yet still memories of him spun through her head like the dust that swirled across the desert sands. How she wanted to speak to him and explain that she'd had no choice but to accept the Council's choice and marry Iahotep, that she still loved him and always would. He probably believes that I betrayed him and he never wants to see me again.
That notion filled her with so much sorrow that an errant tear meandered down her cheek. Hatsepshut immediately wiped it away, hoping that the slaves following behind her with fans and cool drinks had not seen. She must not appear weak before them or before anybody, though she felt like her heart was breaking.
Not paying much attention where she was going, Hatsepshut wasn't surprised to find herself approaching the pond where a flock of sacred ibises were kept. They waded in the clear water, their long graceful necks swiveling to look toward her. She sat down upon a bench and watched them, hoping that their tranquility would calm the turmoil inside her.
The petite Queen reached up to adjust the bright beaded straps that held up her kalisaris while she admired the way droplets of water glittered upon the feathers of the birds like millions of tiny diamonds. Her breasts were always tender now and the beads chafed a bit against her skin. At least she could pull them to loosen them a bit, unlike the tight sheaths that hugged the contours of her body. She avoided those when she could because of the pain.
What if Osorsen never cared for me at all? What if all he wanted was to be Pharaoh and I was only a means to an end? Maybe he has forgotten me already and moved on. There. Her worst fear had just bubbled to the surface of her consciousness, the one notion she had tried so hard to push to the back of her mind during the past two and a half months. Now that it had manifested itself, it would not leave her, and she sighed again, railing against the unfairness of a fate that she had not been able to avoid.
A commotion among the ibises brought her out of her reverie. The bird flapped their black-tipped wings and swiveled their dark heads toward a row of tall verdant bushes that she couldn't see over. Someone was coming. Hatsepshut could hear the cadence of footsteps and looked in the direction of the sound, wondering if she was about to be disturbed. Considering the anxiety that currently tormented her, she believed that any kind of diversion would be most welcome.
Greece. They were sending him away. Far away where no doubt both Isetheperu and Iahotep hoped he would die and remove himself as a burden from their backs. One of the northern kings had asked for an envoy, and of course due to his rank and skill as an ambassador he had been an easy choice. Osorsen scowled at the thought as he moved through the palace, orders clutched right in his hand from whatever low ranked commander had handed them over to him. It was only the sound of the birds in the garden that drew him to a pause, and he looked down for a moment with a sigh. He had to see her.
It wasn’t difficult to find a slave who could tell him where she walked, and as he moved through the garden a million thoughts raced through his mind. Why he’d she betrayed him like this? They had made promises to each other he had always been intending to keep, had people in the council who would have supported him if she had only spoken up for her own choice. She hadn’t even told him.
The sound of people told him he was near, and Oso stilled for a moment to take a breath before rounding the corner, frozen in place once more at the sight of her. She was breathtaking as always, seated by the water with the flow of the morning sun shining off her skin, smooth and soft his memory supplied him. When she turned in his direction, he kept his expression blank, a stoic mask he’d cultivated for when difficult situations that needed to hide his true emotions arose. His eyes though burned with a heat that was impossible to disguise. Anger, desire, love, he couldn’t tell which emotion was dominant at the moment.
”Your Evening Radiance.”
It was the most formally he’d addressed her in a long while. When they had been alone before, he had always called her by her name and she called him by his. They had thought to be married, with no need for secrets or formality between them. His bow was stiff as he remained by the foliage which had hidden his initial approach.
It was him, the man who pervaded her every thought and danced through her dreams, the one person she had least expected to encounter on this day or any other. With the rays of the sun haloing his beloved form, it looked as if he was emerging from the mists of her mind, an apparition whom she only wished she could see.
Yet he was really here.
Startled, Hatsepshut could do nothing but stare at Osorsen with wide dark eyes, admiring the subtle rippling of his muscles as he rounded the corner and paused by the bushes that had concealed him from view. Her heart leapt in her chest at the sight of him, and then plummeted to the pit of her stomach with the knowledge that he was now forbidden to her and she to him. She still loved him, though, with her heart, her soul, her mind, and her body.
Does he notice the way I shiver? She wanted to run to him and throw herself in his arms, but at the same time, she wanted to lob something at his head for being so far away when her fate had been decided. Together they could have fought it. Together they could have won. She lifted her gaze to his face and wasn't surprised that his handsome features wore a mask of detachment. His eyes, though, spoke volumes, and the myriad emotions she saw in those dark orbs were mirrored in her own.
He addressed her formally, which disappointed her, yet the rich timbre of his voice still affected her as it always had, sending a wave of intense desire rippling through her veins. “General,” Hatshepsut replied with a cordial nod, thankful now for the hated etiquette lessons that had taught her to hide her feelings behind a facade of graciousness and to speak even when her throat was so dry from fear and confusion that she could hardly swallow. She motioned the slave holding a pitcher of cool water to approach her and she took a deep gulp of it as Osorsen asked to speak to her alone.
“Of course, General,” she answered, waving the slaves away with a slender hand that shook slightly. She was both hot and cold at once and didn't need to be fanned. After the slaves departed, she met Osorsen's gaze again, confusion and sadness mingled with the desire, love, and uncertainty in her eyes. Without realizing it, her teeth briefly worried her lower lip, a sure sign of the anxiety she didn;t want him to see. ”You may approach me.”
General. She hadn't called him that in a long while, nor had she used her court persona in his presence since they became friends. Back when he had first started giving her lessons in strategy and combat, before the love grew, they had become close and he thought trusted one another. How misplaced that trust had come to show itself. The easy way with which she dismissed her slaves showed that she trusted him still, didn't fear him in any way even though alone like this it would have been almost no effort at all for him to harm her. His heart wouldn't allow it, but she had no way of guaranteeing that anymore.
Osorsen stayed rooted to his place until she gave him permission to approach. Even then it took a long moment before he'd steeled himself enough to take any further steps in her direction. There hadn't been a need for permission before. It had been one of those things they just did. Before he could calculate the exact move, his feet were carrying him closer, closer than was appropriate, and he lifted his hands, catching hold of her cheeks and leaning down to kiss her fiercely. Somehow even though it was not at all what he had intended, he didn't expect her to pull away or protest. It was only a moment before he broke away, pressing his forehead to hers, eyes closed as he tried to measure his breathing.
"Why?"
It was a plea, a desperate and resigned question that he needed the answer to. Why hadn't she fought harder for him, for them? How could the council have overruled her so entirely that there had not even been a hesitation. He hadn't been gone for long, and yet the decision had been made and the marriage celebrated before he had even returned. If she had only held off until he came back, they could have fought this together. She was the queen, the evening radiance of all of Egypt, touched by the gods. Her word could have held off the ceremony long enough for them to reunite and oppose this. The soldiers he led would have followed him, her own would have backed her, had it taken a war they could have been together.
If he had approached her without permission, Hatshepsut wouldn't have cared. In fact, that was what she wanted him to do, to rush to her side and take her in his arms as they had done so many times in the past. Yet he just stood there, as if waiting for something, and so she said the formal words that told every courtier in Egypt that she was willing to grant them an impromptu audience. She remembered how strange that aspect of her position had seemed to her shortly after she had been crowned. Now it was second nature to give others permission to speak to her privately, but with Osorsen, she had never used it until now.
Still he didn't move. Would he turn around and stalk away from her, deciding that she had accepted her marriage to Iahotep and no longer considered him worth her time? How wrong he would be, and if he did turn away, she knew that she would through caution to the wind and run after him.
Then he moved toward her, quickly closing the distance between them, reaching out to cradle her cheeks in his hands. Her lips parted instinctively before Osorsen crushed them with a searing kiss that quite literally took her breath away. Hatshepsut's young body hummed with enticing sensations and she drank in the taste of him and reveled in the prickliness of his beard against her soft skin.
For a brief moment, everything was all right with the world again and her heart soared with elation. Until he pulled away, pressing his forehead against hers and uttering the question that had tortured her own thoughts during the last two months.
Her golden arms wound around his neck, and she softly stroked his hair. “If I had protested,” she whispered, “you might not have come back from Greece at all. If you stood between Iahotep and the throne, he would have removed you permanently, so that you would not cause trouble for him again.
“Everything seemed orchestrated, Osorsen. You were conveniently dispatched so that you wouldn't be able to fight him and I wasn't present when the Council proclaimed him Pharaoh. I was informed by a note, so that I would not be able to speak against him. All of our carefully-laid plans were thwarted, as if he ... or one of his supporters ... had already known of them. If you had been here, maybe we could have fought the Council together, but I couldn't take the risk that you would be killed if I refused to marry him.”
A singled tear meandered down the young Queen's cheek. “I did it for you, Osorsen. To save your life, even if there is no longer a place for me in it. I love you …”
He refused to let go, keeping a tight hold of her in spite of what propriety said, in spite of what might happen if they were caught together. He didn't care, couldn't care anymore. More than anything else he needed to know why their dreams for the future had been thwarted and what had happened to make this misery take hold. His hands slid into her hair, upsetting any style as he tried to keep her close just in case this was the last moment. Only her arms around his neck allowed him to breathe any sigh of relief. If she still cared for him, still loved him, then perhaps they could find a way around this together.
Clutching her tight to his chest, he listened as she breathed her response in his ear, her breath and touch warming him as it always did. Osorsen hated the weakness that came along with the love he bore her, it was the reason he didn't call his men to rise up and burn the place to the ground where it stood. She was the reason he had accepted this as well as he had, because he couldn't think of doing anything that could cause her harm in this moment. He shook his head as she protested that it had all been for him, to save his life.
"My life has never been in danger. He could not touch me, my men are too loyal and alert. I promised I would always return, no matter what."
The general pulled back slightly, looking down at her with a sorrowful expression. He lifted a hand to her chin, tipping it up gently with a few fingers as his other hand brushed at the single tear. His poor love had been tricked, and that was exactly what they had wanted. By convincing her somehow that he would be harmed or killed if she refused, they had gotten her to agree quietly instead of putting up any resistance. He wanted to find a way to go back in time, remind her over and over again that he had command of the largest army in Egypt, that he knew and trusted every single one of his men to protect and fight loyally for him. But it had all passed now, and she was another man's wife.
"You can still be in my life. I'll challenge him. Or kill him. I have as much a right and claim to the throne as he, and I have your love, which is all we need."
Hatshepsut leaned against him, transferring her arms around his waist. His heartbeat was comforting beneath her ear, just as it had always been when she had fallen asleep in his arms after they had made love. She had asked for privacy this morning. Nobody would disturb this precious moment, not even for urgent business, for Iahotep took care of that now and had never bothered to consult her. Osorsen would have been a different kind of Pharaoh. They would have ruled together in perfect harmony and Egypt would have benefited greatly.
But she had ruined that dream by not trusting his promise for fear that Iahotep would have made certain that he couldn't keep it. “He is brutally ambitious and such a man will go to any lengths to rid himself of his foes. You were foremost among them because of your victories in battle and my fondness for you. If I had protested, he would have found a way, Osorsen. He waited until you were gone to make his move. I doubt not that one of his men was in a position to assassinate you had I rebelled.”
Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled back, afraid that he might revile her for her cowardice and stalk away. When he tilted her chin and brushed away her tear, it whooshed out of her in a sigh of relief. Others threatened to erupt from behind her eyes but she blinked them back. Taking his hand, Hatshepsut studied the sparkle of wetness upon his fingers before lifting it to her lips and kissing it and clasping it to her chest.
I can still be in his life. He still loves me even after what I have done.
“You have more claim to the throne than he. You are a noble from a great Hei and he is only a commoner. Why the council chose him I will never know. Maybe he bribed or blackmailed them. I wouldn't put anything past him. If you … we … dare to challenge him, we must tread carefully. His spies are everywhere. There might even be one among your men. I should like to see him dead, especially by your hand.”
She didn't have any qualms at all about wishing for her husband's death. However, if Iahtop perished, there was one complication. Hatshepsut strongly suspected that she was carrying her husband's child. If she bore a son, he would become Pharaoh at the moment of his father's demise. But Osorsen could be his regent and rule through him. She wanted to tell him, but she needed to be certain that she was pregnant first.
Without any thought for propriety, or those spies she had just spoken of, she slid into his lap. “You will always have my love. I wish we could sneak away together now so that I could show you how much you mean to me.”