He should have been prepared for her sudden waking, the speed with which she jolted upright and then just as quickly clung to him. Wrapping his arms around her as if he could protect her from any nightmares or horrors in her mind, Dima let her hide against him as long as she needed, reluctantly releasing his hold enough when she pulled back to look up at him. Brushing her hair from her face, he gave a shrug and tucked the strands behind her ear, trailing his fingertips along the curve and slowly along her jaw.
”It’s alright, I couldn’t sleep properly for ages once I was finally free. I kept thinking I was going to be kicked awake for resting too long.”
With a grunt of effort and strain on his wounded arm, he scooped her up against his chest and moved them to the bed, sitting beside her and keeping hold as long as she would let him. It was upsetting how light weight she felt, as if she was barely anything more than skin and bone. Gesturing to the plate of food he’d carried up with him, he dared to nestle into her hair as she asked her question. Even if she pushed him away at least he could be close for a minute.
”Not exactly, but I found something. I’ll have to stay a few more days to find something concrete. We can go as soon as I hear if the princess is alive or not.”
Dima took a deep breath before letting her go, sliding over to the tray and tugging it onto the bed between them. ”You should eat, then get some more rest. Take the bed, I’ll sleep in front of the door so you feel safe.”
She wondered just how long it would take before she was used to having him back again. How long would she jump at the sight of him, or at the feel of a man offering comfort and not money? Olena wasn’t sure if she would truly ever be used to it, not with the abuse and history she had suffered. And yet, pressed against him, she was reminded of their childhood, of a time when he would always offer her comfort and love. Perhaps it wouldn’t take a long as she thought.
”How long until you stopped worrying about that?” She asked, genuinely curious if she would find something to make it go faster. Olena hated be the victim, and tried not to be. She wanted to recover, to be whole for him.
He wanted a wife. Not a broken fool who crumbled at nightmares.
”I will stay too, then, I guess.” She didn’t want to go anywhere without him, needing him as much as she had ever needed anyone. It wasn’t like she had anywhere else to go, anyway. At this point, she was wanted, valuable and would have to stay hidden until they could leave. ”You are important then.” Her grin was a little familiar, the corners of her mouth upturning with mirth.
Looking down at the food, she realized just how hungry she was. Her sweet tooth gave way to the fruits offered, devouring them with a speed of someone who hadn’t had a good meal in weeks. Between bites, she shook her head. ”You used to keep the nightmares at bay when we were kids. Perhaps you still have that power?” She wasn’t outright asking him to share her bed, but she hoped he got the message.
Dima considered her question for a moment, thinking back on the time since his purchased freedom. It had only been a little over a year, well no now nearly two, and he still had nightmares. Holding her a little tighter, he sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Better to tell the truth or lie and say it had only taken a little while. He had been more confident in his own freedom, he’d purchased that right. Olena had been stolen in accordance with the law, but it was not one he was keen to obey.
”A while. I’ll sleep better now that you’re here with me.”
Releasing her and taking a small portion of the bread and cheese for himself as she devoured as much as she wished, he was glad she seemed to accept that she would stay with him. He’d been afraid, no more concerned really, that she would want to flee and strike out on her own, wouldn’t want his help or time, would reject his offered love. They were different humans now, adults who had grown in different ways, and there was no obligation of love between them. If she chose to leave, his heart would break and his purpose be lost, but he would let her go without protest. All he desired now was for her to be happy.
He chuckled as she declared him important, shaking his head and moving to the basin of water he kept, splashing it over his face before drying any dust from the city streets away. His tunic was off as exhaustion rolled in before he remembered why he couldn’t just carry on with his usual routine tonight. Leaving his trousers on, he toed off his shoes before moving to the door and closing it for the evening. Her question caught his attention once more as it broke the silence and he turned, trying to decipher her request.
”I’ll always try. How would you feel safest? I don’t mind the floor, it’s better here than most. I don’t want you to fear me.”
There was hesitation in his voice, like he wanted to make sure that he was picking the right answer that wouldn’t scare her away. And she hated how he had to tread carefully around her. That she had given him the idea that she would bolt if he said or did the wrong thing. And what was even worse was that a part of her would have. It was impossible for a part of her, deep down, not to think about an exit. Even if he was completely safe with her, one visit from an official would have her sneaking out the back and on the run.
Now that she was out, Olena was not going back to that life.
She was glad that he was at least aware of it, for the most part. It was nice to be able to eat, to have him close but not overbearing. It still felt odd that he was real, that fate had ripped them apart and had yet allowed the Gods to bring them back together again. Olena’s hope that he was dead had wholly to do with her own shame, but he did not seem to care that she had a past. Instead, he wanted her no matter the past. There was a chance that she would share her whole story and he still might leave. But, for this moment, he seemed happy to be reunited with her.
And she was starting to relax into the idea of being with him again, too.
She watched him remove his shirt, still surprised by the vast amount of scars that covered his body. It made her mad, but just as upset as hers had made him, she was sure. Watching him, she pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her hands as she stared at him. It was an action she’d done hundreds of times as a child, mostly when he wasn’t watching her. How long would it take for her to know this man again? Would she know the curves of his back with its new terrain? Would she have any idea how to make him happy?
Did she even know how to be happy herself?
When he turned, her cheeks flushed, but when she may have looked away as a child, she openly stared at him. There was no reason for her to pretend like she hadn’t been watching him. She smiled softly, ”I would rather have you closer than the floor, if you do not mind sleeping next to a former whore.” She moved on the bed, wanting to give him a space to know that she was serious about her wishes. ”Besides, the bed is large enough that we do not have to touch if you do not wish it.”
Maybe that was it. Maybe the idea of being close to her turned his stomach. If that were the case, there wasn’t much she could do about it.
She looked so small drawn up on the bed as she was, and he remembered the posture from when they were children. It was easy to see who she had been, easier than it was to see the boy he was, but she was a new woman now. More than anything he wanted to start a life with her, take back what had been stolen from them and start again. And that meant she needed to feel safe and comfortable around him, so if she wished the bed to herself he would never argue.
When she moved instead and offered a not so veiled request that he stay by her side, his expression softened and Dima moved to sit on the bed beside her. The problem wasn’t being afraid or disgusted, it was being concerned his presence would make her uncomfortable. He wanted her as much as ever in every single way, but with her past and his own, there could be no rushing or wayward movements she wasn’t ready for.
”I’ve never wanted anything more than sleeping by your side. As long as you’re sure you want me there.”
The offer of not touching stung, and he hated how she saw herself. While it was clear she had been abused and wounded in more ways than one, in his eyes she was still his Lena.
”And, if you don’t mind, I’d very much like to be able to hold you tonight.”