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[attr="class","ic_year"]Alternate Reality
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[attr="class","ic_message_border"]
[attr="class","ic_message"]
[attr="class","ic_message_scroll"]Austria, 1750.
Some might have said that Hooter was a great Chimp God. Some might have said that he provided well for the people of the Holy Roman Empire. Not everybody agreed with this theory. Some people - Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire and his Okay Consort Queen Danae included - were not particularly keen on the guy, god, whatever the appropriate term was. He was a bit of a nonsensical figure, was he not? Okay Consort Queen Danae did not particularly care for the clear sexism he forced upon her title or most of the Empire's religious customs, and Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire was not especially keen on the fact that, thanks to the god, his wife was permitted to throw feces in his direction whenever she was not pleased with whatever he had to say which, horridly, was surprisingly often.
The court was in session for one of the thrice weekly sacrifices to the Chimp God, Hooter, taking place after that day's second offering of lukewarm mead. Another stupid tradition. Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire had to admit he hated the previous ruler for adhering to this nonsense and forcing him - most wonderful and divine monarch the place had ever had - to do so as well. It was simply far too tedious to change the laws of the place when every single thing had to be taught to a parrot so it would be able to repeat it and officially announce the law. And, somehow, whenever Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire attempted to change that one specific law, it was somehow even more difficult to make the parrots cooperate. Sacrifices and everything simply had to be accepted as a part of their culture.
After a wonderful evening spent in the company of his 173,740 concubines, or rather, the ones he thought the most pleasurable, Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire and his Okay Consort Queen Danae had made their way down to the Grand Courtyard where the sacrifice was meant to be performed. She was dressed in the finest imitation parrot outfit, decorated with a mixture of real feathers from the birds and gold and gemstones and anything else she might have desired. He was dressed in all his best silks and furs and precious metals with crown to match because money was no object when you owned every single thing in the Empire, hm? They had taken their seats on the two thrones (or rather, Okay Consort Queen Danae had sat herself on the swinging chair that imitated a parrot's perch and Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire had taken a seat on his throne) and the ceremony had begun. However, this time around, they had new plans.
As the six-headed chimp descended from the sky in the flash of rainbow colours, as he did whenever there was a sacrifice of this sort, Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire gestured for one of his two retainers to come closer, whispering to the man who was dressed in the drab outfit and mismatched colourful headdress of most servants in the Empire. "I have faith in your ability," he told the man, nodding for him to go ahead. Deucalion approached the god, holding before him the gilded cage of virgin parrots so that Hooter would be able to select one that was to his liking. It was a similar process to when Rafail chose his newest concubines, although the Chimp was far less selective, and simply grabbed at the parrots, three of his faces focussing on the cage Deucalion held and, on the other side, the other three focussed intently on the cage held by Barnabas. This was the opportunity that had been awaited, as Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire nodded at a third servant who, until that moment, had seemed inconspicuous. With Hooter distracted, this third servant, Unnamedius, ran to attack, silver knife in hand, coated in avocado for the parrot in the God and as much poison as they could find for the rest of him. No one believed in the idiot, anyway. Half the job had been done.
With a quick lunge, the man stabbed into one of the Chimp's necks, as though in an attempt to sever the head from the others. With this distraction, Deucalion and Barnabas were quick to tie the creature with thick chains, preventing his movement. "Now!" called out Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire, as Unnamedius moved to stab the beast in the heart, twisting the knife in place to ensure the spread of the toxins. Hooter struggled, almost unable to move, weak as he was without having consumed the thrice-weekly parrot he required to maintain his strengths. It was a fruitless endeavour, however, and he fell to the ground, a sickly rainbow-coloured blood oozing from his wounds as he moaned in pain, before, eventually, the sweet relief of death overcame him.
Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire stood from his seat, Okay Consort Queen Danae copying his move. "Praise be to the only god in our Empire!" he announced, drawing himself up tall, hands placed on his hips. "Emperor Rafail the Super Great and Uniquely Divine Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire!" At an irritated sound from his consort's direction, he sighed, adding: "And his Okay Consort Empress Danae. Whatever." She was hardly as important, the commoners would undoubtedly agree to that much. Especially when compared to his immortal perfection. Raising his hands to the air, he smirked at the crowds who were still reeling in some amount of shock from the death of the idiotic deity they had known and worshipped for so long. "All hail me."
Some might have said that Hooter was a great Chimp God. Some might have said that he provided well for the people of the Holy Roman Empire. Not everybody agreed with this theory. Some people - Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire and his Okay Consort Queen Danae included - were not particularly keen on the guy, god, whatever the appropriate term was. He was a bit of a nonsensical figure, was he not? Okay Consort Queen Danae did not particularly care for the clear sexism he forced upon her title or most of the Empire's religious customs, and Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire was not especially keen on the fact that, thanks to the god, his wife was permitted to throw feces in his direction whenever she was not pleased with whatever he had to say which, horridly, was surprisingly often.
The court was in session for one of the thrice weekly sacrifices to the Chimp God, Hooter, taking place after that day's second offering of lukewarm mead. Another stupid tradition. Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire had to admit he hated the previous ruler for adhering to this nonsense and forcing him - most wonderful and divine monarch the place had ever had - to do so as well. It was simply far too tedious to change the laws of the place when every single thing had to be taught to a parrot so it would be able to repeat it and officially announce the law. And, somehow, whenever Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire attempted to change that one specific law, it was somehow even more difficult to make the parrots cooperate. Sacrifices and everything simply had to be accepted as a part of their culture.
After a wonderful evening spent in the company of his 173,740 concubines, or rather, the ones he thought the most pleasurable, Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire and his Okay Consort Queen Danae had made their way down to the Grand Courtyard where the sacrifice was meant to be performed. She was dressed in the finest imitation parrot outfit, decorated with a mixture of real feathers from the birds and gold and gemstones and anything else she might have desired. He was dressed in all his best silks and furs and precious metals with crown to match because money was no object when you owned every single thing in the Empire, hm? They had taken their seats on the two thrones (or rather, Okay Consort Queen Danae had sat herself on the swinging chair that imitated a parrot's perch and Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire had taken a seat on his throne) and the ceremony had begun. However, this time around, they had new plans.
As the six-headed chimp descended from the sky in the flash of rainbow colours, as he did whenever there was a sacrifice of this sort, Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire gestured for one of his two retainers to come closer, whispering to the man who was dressed in the drab outfit and mismatched colourful headdress of most servants in the Empire. "I have faith in your ability," he told the man, nodding for him to go ahead. Deucalion approached the god, holding before him the gilded cage of virgin parrots so that Hooter would be able to select one that was to his liking. It was a similar process to when Rafail chose his newest concubines, although the Chimp was far less selective, and simply grabbed at the parrots, three of his faces focussing on the cage Deucalion held and, on the other side, the other three focussed intently on the cage held by Barnabas. This was the opportunity that had been awaited, as Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire nodded at a third servant who, until that moment, had seemed inconspicuous. With Hooter distracted, this third servant, Unnamedius, ran to attack, silver knife in hand, coated in avocado for the parrot in the God and as much poison as they could find for the rest of him. No one believed in the idiot, anyway. Half the job had been done.
With a quick lunge, the man stabbed into one of the Chimp's necks, as though in an attempt to sever the head from the others. With this distraction, Deucalion and Barnabas were quick to tie the creature with thick chains, preventing his movement. "Now!" called out Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire, as Unnamedius moved to stab the beast in the heart, twisting the knife in place to ensure the spread of the toxins. Hooter struggled, almost unable to move, weak as he was without having consumed the thrice-weekly parrot he required to maintain his strengths. It was a fruitless endeavour, however, and he fell to the ground, a sickly rainbow-coloured blood oozing from his wounds as he moaned in pain, before, eventually, the sweet relief of death overcame him.
Emperor Rafail the Super Great Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire stood from his seat, Okay Consort Queen Danae copying his move. "Praise be to the only god in our Empire!" he announced, drawing himself up tall, hands placed on his hips. "Emperor Rafail the Super Great and Uniquely Divine Sex God of the Holy Roman Empire!" At an irritated sound from his consort's direction, he sighed, adding: "And his Okay Consort Empress Danae. Whatever." She was hardly as important, the commoners would undoubtedly agree to that much. Especially when compared to his immortal perfection. Raising his hands to the air, he smirked at the crowds who were still reeling in some amount of shock from the death of the idiotic deity they had known and worshipped for so long. "All hail me."
[attr="class","ic_maintag"]Mentor Moderator
[attr="class","ic_threadtype"]Open
[attr="class","ic_othertags"]
[attr="class","ic_ooc"]wtf even is this